Be Carefull of What You Ask For...

In my last post, I said that I hoped to keep busy to avoid obsessing about whether or not I am pregnant...God answered.

On Wednesday, my mom had her gallbladder removed. She was sent home and everything was looking good. On Friday, I received a call in the middle of my 6th hour class saying that my mom was being rushed to the hospital by ambulance. I literally hung up on him and called our Principal to come and cover my classes then took off running out my classroom door.

I was so scared that I was getting ready to lose my Mom and was worried about my Dad driving the 35 or 40 miles from work to the hospital. He loves her so much and I knew that He would be feeling large amounts of guilt for going to work even though she had been fine for 2 days since the surgery.

My Mom and I have never been super close, and we don't see eye to eye on many, many things, but in that 7 mile drive from my school to the hospital, I felt sheer terror at the thought of loosing her. I believe that something in me changed at that moment; a transition from childish grudge holding over stupid things that happened in the past to a mature perspective of in the long run none of that crap (excuse my language) matters.

It turns out that she was having a complication from surgery and bile was leaking into her abdominal cavity and causing excruciating pain - yes, she was being very vocal when I got to the ER. Thank God for my Aunt, who stays home and was able to be there when my mom called 911 and stayed until she was transferred to a larger hospital in Springfield.

So, really really long story short. They inserted a drain tube through her liver to suction the bile out and ease the pain. She is still in the hospital and will have a scope procedure and either a stint will be put in to link the bile duct to the intestine or she will have to have surgery again to repair the leak. So my dad, my sister and me have been running back and forth in shifts to stay with my mom since Friday. I took the day off to be there during the procedure that was supposed to take place today, so my dad could go and get things arranged at work so he will be able to stay with her when she comes home. But the procedure was postponed until tomorrow...ugh

Did the Lord stop there...nope...He wanted to make sure I didn't have time to think about things...my Grandpa, my Dad's Dad, has cancer and is not doing well. After being in the hospital for 2 weeks, he was sent home with hospice yesterday. He had a really bad day and night, and this morning wasn't much better. Now he is being transferred to the same nursing home that my grandma, his wife, is in. Is this it?? Will he ever come home again??

Please pray for my dad and his brothers. They are all very close to my grandpa and this loss is going to sever a portion of their hearts. As it is, I can barely look at my Dad if he ever talks about it for the pain in his eyes. Loosing Jacob was so hard, but I didn't even get to hold him while he was alive, I can't fathom what it is going to be like to loose a person who has been present your entire life, I think it will leave a gaping hole. We do know that G-pa is saved and will be returning home to Jesus and he will get to meet Jacob before any of us, but it will still be a huge loss to all of us, but especially to my dad and uncles.

In the midst of all of this I haven't really thought about the IUI or the fact that I could be pregnant, but I did manage to remember that I had to have a progesterone level test today to find out if I did in fact ovulate. Results are in and the nursed exact words were "April, your test came back positive and Dr.M said that you DEFINITELY ovulated." Ummm....OK...what does definitely mean??? I mean seriously, that's like saying the steaks are done or the steaks are DEFINITELY done...there is a difference. Did I have one really big egg or did I release multiple eggs??? Does that mean I had more of a chance of conceiving??? Hello...could you be a little more specific?? Of course I didn't say any of those things, but I was thinking them!!!

According to my cycle, I should start on the 19th, this Saturday. But the nurse said they will wait 2 weeks from the IUI procedure to do a blood pregnancy test, which lands on the 21st (two days after I should start), so PRAY that I don't start and the test comes back positive.

In the meantime, I'm not asking for any further occurrences to take place that would help me to not think about things. Tonight we have a sports meeting for Trystan, Tomorrow I have class, Wednesday is Church, Thursday I have my first test in my class...I've decided that I am busy enough!!!

Although, I am thanking God for showing me how important my Mom is to me even in the face of past hurts and future disagreements.

Have a Blessed Day!!

April