Please God...

Please God, forgive me of my many sins and help me to choose a better path.

Please God, hear the prayers of my heart and take my fears away.

Please God, keep our family safe, together, healthy, and living for you.

Please God, don’t take me from my family.

Please God, fill the empty room down the hall with the gift of a child.

Please God, show my children that the proper result of pregnancy is not death but life. Don’t let their last experience of Jacob be their only frame of reference that may scare them into never wanting a family or children of their own.

Please God, fill the void I feel in my heart and in my arms with the gift of a child.

Please God, don’t leave empty the crib, car seat, stroller, walker, swing, and bathtub that still lie unused in the loft of our garage. Fill those items with a child’s coo, giggle, and cry.

Please God, give me the chance to see the look on my husband’s face as he rocks our baby to sleep while singing a song, the smile on Trystan’s face as he pick’s up a sibling so eager to be held, to see the smile and raised arms of a child who just realized that mommy walked through the door; and let my ears hear the ring of and excited “Mommy…” as a child runs to my arms. To see the healing that will take place as my parents hold their grandchild and may it restore the joy that they once held in you.

Please God, allow me to reach people with our story of Jacob, who is with you; then allow me to be able to tell them of the blessings of the gift of a child you sent to us after Jacob.

Please God, take away the feeling of uselessness as Trystan grows and needs me far less than I desire. Take away the emptiness I feel when our house is silent, void of the sounds of children.

Please God, help me to enjoy the new season of independence that Trystan has entered instead of being consumed by missing his toddler days. Help me to help him become the young man that you would have him to be.

Please God, place your hands on my Dr. as she examines me and reviews the last year’s activities. Please let the result be that nothing is wrong with me, that I am healthy, and that I can conceive again and give birth to a healthy, living child that will be raised by both parents, together, in a loving and faithful home.

Please God, help my doubt, my fear, and my impatience. Help me to remember that my time is not your time; my ways are not your ways.

Please God, give me peace and joy in whatever result for my life that your perfect plan holds.