So I'm not really the pillar of strenght that everyone that surrounds me thinks I am...though I try hard to convince myself that I have that strength that everyone tells me I have. The strength that my name portrays...you know the little trinkets that say what your name means...well my mom picked one up for me and it says "April: she is a strong and protective lady; a female tower of strenght". What exactly do you see in me that projects that image? 'Cuz right now I really just want crawl into bed, suck my thumb, and cry for at least a week or more...OR glutton myself to death with large quantities of chocolate...NO, I'm really not kidding...sorry to burst your bubble.
I really thought that I was past the pain of loosing Jacob...but to hear, really hear that his death could have been prevented has brought some things to the surface that I thought I had suppressed or maybe they are new feelings...either way it hurts and I'm not a fan of pain...physical or otherwise.
And the worse part is that I have to figure out a way to tell my husband...I don't want to bring this back to him. Would it really be a bad thing to protect him from the information??? He does it to me all of the time.
As I was driving home from church heading into the most ominous looking storm that I may have ever seen...I began thinking about this and why...by the way why is a friend to no one...and in between the flashes of lightning revealing a storm that mirrored my mind at that time...I said "Lord. Please. Help me." then I heard these words:Do you wonder why you have to feel the things that hurt you?
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now?
Maybe there are things you can’t see, And all those things are happening to bring a better ending.
Someday, somehow you’ll see.
Would you dare; would you dare to believe that you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling; It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light. Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling; It’s just the dark before the morning
My friend you know how this all ends. You know where you’re going.
You just don’t know how you’ll get there. So say a prayer.
And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God.
But life is not a snapshot. It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture.
Once you feel the weight of glory; All your pain will fade to memory
It’s just the hurt before the healing.
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling; It’s just the dark before the morning.
I think that God heard me...he answered my prayer...and removed my fears (Ps 34:4)...He answered me: He renewed my faith.
What strength do I have...none but what He gives me.
Have a Blessed Day.
April
1 comment:
April this was a wonderful posting. I know that you have gone through a lot and will continue going through the pain. I had not heard that song until a few days ago and someone else had posted that you tube link also. I will be praying for you and Rick and praying that God will give you peace about it all. We love both of you and want only God's best for you and your family.
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