New Year, New Goals, Same Me...

Wow it's been sooooo long since I've posted and entry and I must say that part of the reason is a new found gun shyness to posting anything online...why this apprehension??? Well, it seems that no matter how hard a person tries to not offend anyone... someone is offended. While I don't like to offend anyone and do not set out to offend people purposefully, it does happen and I am sorry for that. HOWEVER, I have come to the conclusion through a lot of prayer and encouragement from messages that I have gotten from readers (who I had no idea were readers) wanting to know when I was going to start posting again, that through this blog I am able to reach people outside of my immediate circle on issues that I am faced with and with the possibility that I may also be able to share Christ with those people. AND that through the people whom I have met via blog world, I am learning such valuable lessons as well. Thanks Dana, Jay, and Lauren and BTW I 'm so sorry I haven't been present lately!!!

So on the top of my New Years Top Ten is to try to look at the BIGGER picture rather than the single red pixel that is trying to distract me from the rest of the image.

And without further ado...here are the rest... (WOOO HOOO you know how I love lists!!!)

1. See above statement...
2. To be present daily for my family in body and in mind.
3. To do a devotion EVERY DAY!!!
4. To evacuate this downward spiral of spending and significantly reduce bills.
5. To loose 30 pounds!!! I had lost 28 but gained 10 back over the holidays...sad face :-(
6. To return to my old ways of organized and purposeful living rather than random chaos that has been our life since well, Jacob's death.
7. To begin a prayer list and purposefully pray over those things at least once a week, but strive for every day.
8. Keep in touch with friends MORE...yes, this means you!!!
9. Forgive when it hurts so much to do so.
10. Remember that my life is the example where someone might be looking for Christ.

What is on the top of your list???

I recently heard that 90% of Americans make New Years resolutions and only 20% keep them...I really want to strive to be in that 20% this year!!!

Have a Blessed Day and New Year!!!

April

Beyond Reach and Beyond Caring...

Previously, I have expressed some concern over the condition of today's youth in society...if I haven't done it here, I know I have had several conversations on the topic in real life and, in my opinion, this is a subject that should be burdensome to all of us, with or without children.

Before you read on...consider the following...I am not attacking children, teens, or parents, nor do I think that all is lost, but I am....well to be honest...I am searching for something and at this point anything that will allow me to positively influence the youth that I am in contact with (mine and yours).

My concerns are multi-faceted because I interact daily with youth of varying ages and in differing roles. Recently a string of events has taken place that have left me asking myself is it too late...are they beyond reach... or worse, are they beyond caring??

Listed in order of my time spent in that role, my interactions with youth are as a Mother, Teacher (7th - 12th grades), Youth Ministry Leader (2nd - 6th grades), and Friend.

Here are my major concerns...

1. Why do most youth feel that they have the right to lie, manipulate, falsely accuse, cheat, and destroy???
2. Why do most youth feel no remorse nor feel that they owe those that they wrong any kind of explanation or apology???
3. Why do most youth feel that they are entitled and innately deserve to be handed anything that they desire???
4. Why do most youth not fear....anything???

I have found that the easiest and most common answer to any of these questions is that they just don't have a good homes, parents, families, etc....I'm sorry, but that is a copout.

Before I began working consistently with youth I completely agreed with that generalized statement and as a parent I thought, well that exempts my kids because we love, care for, help, and raise our kids right....WHATEVER!!!

Now, as I continue to interact with youth from several variations of home life, social class, and in a professional or personal environment, I have come to the conclusion that while a poor home life and the separation of social class does have some effect on youth's moral development I do NOT believe for an instant that it is the main contributor. Why you ask...let me tell you...and yes, I'll put it in a list for you...I though you'd never ask.

1. I have seen a person from a loving home with rules and expectations that equally offer praise and encouragement, and who do teach their kids the right things accuse they're parent/s of abuse because...well I guess they just felt like it.
2. I have seen a person from a poverty stricken home offer they're lunch to a person who was hungry but forgot their lunch and had no money to get anything.
3. I have seen a person from a prosperous home put on a mask of strength to get through the days of people accusing her of thinking she is "better" than them because she won't participate in their "extra curricular" activities only to go home and try to pick up the pieces from a parent who is less than stable and very volatile...then wake up the next day and do it all over again.
4. I have seen a person from a prosperous home give the coat from their back to a person from a povertous home who was shivering from cold and have that person refuse it because it wasn't from a certain store and a person from a povertous home offer their coat to another and the other not take it because it was dirty.
5. I have seen a person from an obviously abusive home lie to protect the very person that is abusing them.
6. I have seen a person work so hard to achieve a goal, to be a leader, to go above and beyond for the betterment of their team only to be cast aside and the credit for their work given to a person or persons with little or no involvement at all.
7. I have seen siblings grow up in the same loving home with the same rules and the same expectations and be two people who could not be more opposite in their views, morals, and lifestyles.

Some of these things are personal and some of these things are observed...but no matter...it is from these examples and others that I am able to draw the conclusion that home life and social class do have an impact but are clearly not the sole factor in the degradation of the morals of our youth. By these examples it is clear that manipulation, lieing, hatred, jealousy, judgement, and love occur across all lines of home life and social class, so if those aren't the causes...what are???

I know that I don't have all of the answers, even if I like to think that I do...I don't and in this arena I am certainly at a loss. So after the onset of the afore mentioned string of events, I was having a conversation with one of my close friends on this very topic...imagine that. Her husband, just happens to be our pastor, interjected and said that he had just been reading an article or something about the differences in youth a while back and now. The excerpt that he read went something like this:

In the distant past children were often treated as slaves to their
parents and parents were like slave drivers...children were
considered contributors to the family's household and
were made to work, work, work for their parents. Now, the tables are completely
turned and the parents are the slaves to their children and are made to work,
work, work for their children. Children direct the parents where to go, where to
take them, when to do it, what to buy them, tell their parents what they will
and will not do, and how or even if they will allow their parents to discipline
them.

As I was hearing this, I realized the truthfulness of the statement. I do not feel that it would be appropriate fro my child to be a slave to me, nor do I feel that it is appropriate for me to be a slave to my child. Both statements are extreme and both are true...so where is the middle ground where parents hold the authority but love their children and teach them limits expectations, and love; and where children challenge but respect authority, learn their limits, have expectations of themselves, and love their parents? Is it beyond reach? Are both parents and children beyond caring? Where is the breakdown and is reconstruction even possible??

Come back for part two...but in the meantime I'd love to hear your take on this.

Have a Blessed Day!

April

What To Do Now???

Yesterday, I called Dr. M's office to let them know that I had started and the nurse then told me that Dr. M wants to double the clomid for this cycle and I was forced to tell her that we (and by we, I mean my husband) have decided to take a break for a while. I explained that even though we had only been seeing them for 2 months we have been trying to get pregnant for almost a year and a half. She was really great and said that she understood and that many couples feel this way after the first few months, then told me that if I happen to be late any month just call and they would order a pregnancy test for me.

They are so sweet over there. By far the most accommodating and hard working Dr.'s and nurses that I have ever been involved with.

So, I guess that I should feel relieved that I don't have to remember to take my temp every morning, and count days, and pee on sticks, and hold my breath for days to see if I'll be pregnant...but I'm not. After I told the nurse that we were stopping, I just wanted to sit down in the school's lunch room (that is the only place my cell works at school) and cry and maybe have a temper tantrum. Seriously, I just feel like Jacob died all over again....empty...hopeless.

God love my husband, I know he is upset about it too and then having to go to the cemetery for my grandparent's funeral and see Jacob's burial place right next to my grandparents didn't make this any easier for anyone. So I'm keeping these emotions to myself. He said that he has to protect me, which is very chivalrous...he's my knight in shining armor, and I love him for it...but I'm not ready to stop trying.

If this is an exercises in submission, I am determined to pass with an A, so I will wait because he wants to wait, but everything inside me is screaming out to keep going...the what if's are enough to drive a person crazy. So, I'll add another row of stones to my wall and deal with it myself and hope that this too shall pass.

Have a Blessed Day...

April

P.S. Lauren, I'm so sorry sweetie...I know exactly how you are feeling and I hope that you keep trying and end in success. God Bless!!

Summer In Review...

Well, this is my LAST official Friday of the summer; I go back to work on Monday. Then my college classes begin the following week, so the frequency of my blog entries may slow to a crawl, but I will try to make at least one post per week.

My larger goals for the summer were to decorate Trystan's room, prep for the new software and accounting lessons I will be teaching this year, clean out the basement, and go on vacation. I accomplished one out of the four goals...going on vacation. But as I was looking back over the summer, I realized that far more important things than studying and painting took place. Friends and family took precedence over the mundane daily tasks. So maybe I'll have to cram a few chapters ahead of what I'm teaching and maybe I'll have to do 2 loads of laundry instead of one each day to make up for skipping a few days, but the memories and time spent with my kids, family, and friends this summer are far more rewarding to me than an uber-clean house (not that the house was really dirty).

Some of my favorite memories of the summer are:

1. Playing in the pool with Rick and Trystan. I love to hear my husband laugh and in the midst of all that we have gone through in the last year and a half it is an occurrence that takes place too few times. That day we laughed and laughed and laughed.


2. Meeting Dana on vacation. She has become a dear friend whom I value greatly, and her girls are so huggable and cute!!


3. Spending 10 fun filled and stress free days on vacation with my family.


4. Spending days poolside with Tonya and her daycare kids. She forces me to relax and set the intensity aside for a few hours and to remember that kids are kids, not small adults.


5. Cooking with Trystan. Those meatball subs were amazing!!


6. Starting this blog and meeting you.


7. Keeping Jenny and Chad's kids for a day. Swimming with all of them, watching them in a Wii tournament, and cooking with the girls was such a sweet reward.


8. Watching Rick play football with Tony and Travis.


9. Seeing the joy and accomplishment on Bre (14) and Trystan's (12) face as we loosened the apron strings a bit and let them have a little more freedom and independence. We let them go to the other side of town with a group of friends and stay out 'till dark on several occasions, and for the most part they checked in on time and were home on time too!


10. Watching Bre, Trystan, Seth, and Tony catch a wild mouse that was living in the wooden railroad ties on one side of our pool area. It was hilarious, they caught it after two hours of trying different trapping techniques, we released it, and then I think it packed it's bags and left 'cuz it hasn't been seen since!!

So, I put together a Summer in Review slide show for all to enjoy!!!

By the way, the Noodle Sprinkler Craft that Dana posted was a great addition to our pool time and the kids loved it!!

God has truly blessed me in so many ways. I need to remember the blessings that are amidst the trials and trust that God is true to His word and blesses those that believe and serve Him.

Have a Blessed Day!!

April